| christmas songs + making the band music |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|05:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
i can't decide if i'm "bah humbug" or "happy holidays".
i just can't decide.
i'm so overwhelmed by nothingness.
i list the things in my head that i'm stressed about and i'm like-hm. that's a whole lot of nothing.
even now my heart is racing.
i just crack myself up.
funny.
i always think it's interesting to see what people think about you.
the impression that you give to them.
sometimes, i feel as though i show people certain sides.
i guess we all do.
but it's just AMAZING to me what people see.
and the things that they don't see.
huh. always makes me laugh.
people at work think i'm the happiest person alive.
and i'm like...i cry every other day.
only because i'm sensitive.
and then that makes me laugh too.
welp-a weekend of festivites awaits me.
drunken fun with my besteset buddy for her b-day.
holler back. can't wait. |
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| who would have thought |
[Aug. 30th, 2005|11:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
i forgot about live journal. i looked back to the last entry i wrote. it was about home and how it was going to be weird to not be home and in PA for a while. well, who the hell would have known that the day in jan. when i left would be the last time i stepped foot in that house. wow. so weird. that's what happens when you go home to find your shit in the garage and the locks on the doors are changed. ha. kinda funny actually. in a sick, dark, and depressing way. it all works out for the best. you grow up faster. you learn to not trust people as much. you learn to deal with some of the things that hurt you. push it further down inside. needing some alone time... |
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| goodbye home |
[Jan. 9th, 2005|02:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
so this is my last night at home. i won't see it for a while. (haha. i'm sure i'll be back in a couple weeks!) but i'm starting my semi-grown up life on monday. i can't believe it's here and i'm going to be going to a work place 5 days a week for 8 hrs. wow. all this newness is killing me.
this week is killing me. not enough sleep and too much craziness. but, the fun had to be had. my bestest buddy is leaving for ROME. she'll be gone for 6 months. what's a girl to do without her best friend for that long? i just can't wait to visit her. i can't wait for the both of us to go off and do our thing and have so many stories and so many new experiences. we are both going to grow and learn so much. i can't wait.
i wish i could be more insighful right now b/c i have so many things i want to say.
jesus mary and joseph. fuck this. i'm done. damnit. my brother. he just has such a way of uplifting me. awesome. i'm glad i'm leaving. fuck this.
talk about your mood swings... |
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| someone wrote me a poem |
[Jan. 7th, 2005|04:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  touched | ] |
| [ | music |
| | imogen heap "sweet little religion" | ] |
nothing like a good poem to make you melt...
something happens when i'm near you
sleeping things awaken
scary things fall asleep
images dance here and there
taking away remnants of despair
there's no start, no end
it always was, always has been
i can flirt with words to paint this feeling but they fall from my mouth and fade with dreaming
what's clear to me as night and day
is the emotion that feels as right as rain and when i see your face it all comes back that smile returns, all else fades to black |
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| from the other side |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|03:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tori "can't see NY" | ] |
two trips to the ER in two days. I don't know how much more i can handle. life likes to throw things at you to see how you react and how you handle it. well, here i am dealing. not too bad. but i randomly get depressed for no reason. i hate that. i feel like i'm crazy sometimes. ha. yeah-me and everybody else. but at least my brother is ok and my cat isn't going to die. for that i am thankful. |
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| wow! |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|11:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
so much to say.
the weekend started on thursday-hell pecker yeah-great time with my bestest buddy.
friday-turned out to be a great new years-time was well spent with the right people.
sat-sun-amazing things are happening. i love it.
monday-what the fuck happened.
so a magical weekend of living in a dream world ended on monday. which i knew it would once i got back to PA and snapped back into reality. i just didn't think it was going to happen at 7am monday morning. turns out i rushed home b/c my brother was at the ER. what a way to start the year off. with a broken face. he got jumped and got the shit kicked out of him by 4 guys. are u fuckin serious. what the hell is wrong with this world. i just don't get it. broken nose, broken cheek bones, his face is just...swollen swollen swollen. hm. sometimes i have to remember, my life isn't all that bad. we need to appreciate the little things. i'm just glad the rest of his head is in tact. |
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| oh me, oh my! |
[Dec. 27th, 2004|11:56 pm] |
so excited for new years! whoop whoop! what what! where my clothes at? (inside joke with myself and my bestest.)
so i just found out that i'm a drunken idiot. oh wait-i did know that already. damnit. why do u do the things you do jilly?! i guess everybody has their moment. i just always tend to forget mine. ah-drunken idiot-when will u leave me. maybe when i stop drinking...ummm...so never. good. good to know.
here's to more drunken idiot fun filled nights! CHEERS! |
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| it's christmas |
[Dec. 25th, 2004|02:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
wowie. it's here. christmas. it always sneaks up on ya doesn't it? well, i'm reading everyone's journals,and i'm sad to know that they're sad. i absolutely love the holidays. i love that i stress out about shopping and freak out about money and bitch about the traffic...but nothing beats waking up to christmas and the feeling i get. i love it. i love seeing my family. i love watching all the millions of little ones O.D. on candy and chocolate. i love how i overstuff myself and cannot move. i love watching people open presents and how their faces light up. i love the sense of love that i wish was there and expressed everyday. things have been so crazy and busy and overwhelming and confusing, yet i've been suprisingly ok with things. i've cried a lot in the past week and a half, but it's ok. i'm ok. maybe i'm pretending to be ok and not thinking about things the way i should be all the time, but hell, i feel good and it's christmas. so i'm going to run with it! |
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| snowed in |
[Dec. 23rd, 2004|12:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | spice girls | ] |
so...i may not be coming home for christmas! haha. no really though. we're completely and totally snowed/iced in. can't go ANYWHERE. they have like one plow in all of the state. nobody knows what to do down here. it's CRAZY. it hasn't snowed like this in over 12 years so i'm told. and...what a good time to be here. all i can is laugh. haha. look at me laughing. i won't be laughing though if i don't see my family on friday and saturday. eh-soon enough i suppose. my head is getting rubbed i can't think. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2004|05:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hyper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | t&s "where does the good go" | ] |
WOAH! Lalala LOVE tennessee! so much fun. so much bonding. made a GREAT new friend! making GREAT connections with an old one. ooo...so hyper and lovely! love the late night chit chats. love the massive amounts of movies and midnight snacks. love it all! love that it's freezing here and everything including the trees are covered in ice. i just have a huge massive smile to cooincide with the loads of fun that i am having! i leave tomorrow. :( sad but happy to know that i had such an amazing time...more fun to be had tonight! and all a while...i've not had a sip of alcohol. i knew i could have good fun and be myself with good people. u would think by the way i've been everynight and the late mornings that i've been a crazy drunk. but guess what-i'm just CRAZY! love it! xo xo xo |
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| a;sldkfjal;sdfkj |
[Dec. 19th, 2004|04:57 am] |
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the last couple days have been just off the wall. i'm so worked up and yet peaceful. finished my last final ever on tues. finished my project on wed. night. my best friend's b-day on thur. nyc on friday. and now i'm in tennesse. just a crazy week. i ended up on the bus to nyc only to realize that i didn't have my wallet. i had no id, no way to get money. nothing. thankfully, i had 20 bucks in my pocket. had to fedex my wallet to nyc so i had it for today when i had to catch my flight. oh boy. bus was running late. no rachael. i thought the night and my life were over. (yes, i'm melodramatic). turned out to be such a crazy, wonderful, confusing night. the details only to be left in my head and given to my bestest friend. so do things happen for a reason? i guess so. but for what reasons, i don't know. i guess sometimes the reasons aren't what you want them to be. i'm just overwhelmed with the events of this a.m. intense. inspiring. but now i'm left with nothing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 14th, 2004|05:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
i love the sunsets in pa. it's always so pretty at dusk. i want to smoke a cig so bad but my belly doesn't want me to. that's what staying up till 9:30am will do to you and then sleeping for only an hour. i'm going to miss this place...good ole esu. ha. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2004|12:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
when do the tears stop? when does the anxiety end? when will i feel better again? |
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| the end |
[Dec. 8th, 2004|04:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | luciar "fine" | ] |
classes are over. it's weird. i'm almost a grown-up. that's even more weird. too many changes at once. broke up with the girl. moving out of the apt. going home. moving to nyc. working 5 days a week. wow. changes are a coming... |
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| 1 day left...a million left to go |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|09:14 pm] |
two classes is all that is left of my time here at east stroudsburg university. who would have thought it would go so fast. who would have thought i would grow up one day. who would have though this time would come. wow.
i haven't had time to think about it or be sad or nervious or much of anything. it's just here and i'm taking it as it comes. i just can't get over how fast it went. college is over. that's so weird. there are so many changes that are going to occur and so many things i'm not ready for. change is always hard but good at the same time. i'm looking forward to growing and learning and experiencing this newness that is before me.
future...meet me. |
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| make me lose my breath...baby boy... |
[Dec. 2nd, 2004|05:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | destiny's child "baby boy!" | ] |
OMG crazy crazy CRAZY! ah! i woke up at 1pm today. how great was that to sleep in. in the past 4 days i had gotten about 8 hrs of sleep...so that's about 2 hrs each night. i was EXHAUSTED. but now look out-jilly t is charged and ready to rumble. LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE...DUN DUN DUN DUN...yeah jock jams. haha.
NYC here i come. see ya'll in january. i'll be bringing my A game. but it's a new A game. it's called...jill has work 5 days a week and can't be crazy and must be responsible. it's something new for me. work. never worked 5 days a week for a consecutive amount of time. EVER. i'm sure i'll be LOVING it. i'm serious. i'm so pumped to go to work everyday. that's what happens when you're 21 and u've never had a job outside of babysitting, lown mowing and being a mover. although-i am a professional lown service provider in business for 6 years. i'll trim your bush! WOOHa! |
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| o woe is me |
[Nov. 30th, 2004|04:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | janet jackson "dance all night' | ] |
hightlights of thanksgiving break:
-saw the fam.
-went to nyc
-got drunk
-saw peeps i REALLY missed
(esther, david, dave, candice...)
-made new friends
-danced my ass off
-shopped till i dropped
-internship interviews
lowlights of thanksgiving break:
-drank TOO much
-don't remember some things
-spent WAY too much money
-spent too much time in NYC...now i have work out the ass
-pissed some people off
-fighting ... fighting ... fighting ...
-feeling guilty
-not feeling guilty
hhhmmm...am i living life to the fullest or am i full of shit and being an asshole? the world may never know. neither will i. things are down the shitter. we'll see what happens. i'm struggling. i make really bad first impressions. drunken idiot. i guess i stick to my name of fame-wasted wasted wasted. is that so bad? |
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| ...more... |
[Nov. 26th, 2004|02:03 am] |
i forgot...I'M SO EXCITED...waking up in 3.5 hrs to go shopping...woohaha. love that the mall opens at 6 a.m. shopping i will go. money i will spend. christmas presents i will get.
and then...it's off to the city i go...hi ho hi ho it's off to new york i go...with my bag in hand and my friends to see...hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho.
yeah...party NYC style. what what. SO PUMPED! cheers to the fun that will be had by all including dave, candice, jess, maybe marco, maybe luce and myself! and whoever else is crazy enough to join the PARTAY! bring on the WINE! yeah for chardonay! (sp!) and of course the BACARDI! good thing i have my flask! :) |
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| ...?... |
[Nov. 26th, 2004|01:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "cornflake girl" tori | ] |
i had a GREAT DAY! love the family. i just adore them. i could be around them all the time. they are just all amazing people. but...dun dun dun...i teared today. for lame reasons. i ate a LOT of stuffing. it is my favorite thing of course...it's bread for pete's sake. so i was all excited b/c they didn't put it in the bird so i could eat it all up. i'm eating eating eating...to make a long story short-there was chicken broth in it. my aunt forgot. i was a loser and my heart stopped. EEEKKK! but i didn't want her to feel bad so i played if off. but inside i was getting all kinds of torn up. i didn't think i'd be so upset. but i was. i left the room and my eyes were watering. opps.
i guess i had some bird today. never again. never ever again.
sorry to the bird from which the broth came. now we have a moment of silence... |
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| captain pukey |
[Nov. 21st, 2004|08:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "checking my pulse" alix olson | ] |
icky. what happened...i'm dry heaving and attempting to get up whatever isn't in my body right now. just happened like THAT. an hr ago. i started spinning...still spinning...i wish i could say it was b/c i'm hungover, then i know it would all be over soon, but i think i'm just getting sick. :( i don't wanna be sick for turkey day-not that i'm eating any turkey. put i love my gram's sweet corn and mashed potatoes and the special stuffing she makes for me...mmm...maybe i'll get a tofurkey this time around. mmm...fake meat...mmm
now i'm going to puke. |
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